i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
