the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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