Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
