watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I currently don't understand fingers.
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