If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
