I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
