I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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