Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
