a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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