Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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