Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
