That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
