So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
