Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
