I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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