I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
