"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Too much gin, very little bucket
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
