i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
