Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
