all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
