this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
