found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
