at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
