I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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