He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
