no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
