Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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