And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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