He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
