I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize