I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
