it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
