Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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