And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
