420 ftw
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
FUCK WHALES
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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