I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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