So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
