just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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