I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just cropdusted the office
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
