Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
