It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
