I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
