Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
