Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
