im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
