This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
