Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
