so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
