Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
