i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
