The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
