your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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