I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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