I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
