He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
