sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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