brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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