For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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