garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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