i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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