The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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