Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
