Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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