yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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