why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
