Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
