she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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