i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
