I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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