He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
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That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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