I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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