im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
