I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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